Did he/she say what I think he/she said?

Periodically we have flare ups on this site where the discussion and comments get a little heated. My usual advice is to "step back from your keyboard", think for a minute or more and read the posting literally. A little thinking and reading between the lines sometimes clarifies the point someone else is making. Heck, even on the Diane Rehm Show (my favorite on NPR) she apologized at the end of a program recently that the discussion had gone beyond civil and that was not her goal.

Here some tips from an RSS feed that I get about communities:

Don't Bite the Hook

"Every day, someone will say something you disagree with. They might even say something about you."... I'd better rectify this immediately and defend my good name.

This is a big mistake. Before responding to any criticism or being engaged in any disagreement, you should ask yourself five questions:

Am I responding to this for my own ego or because it will actually help someone?
Who will it help and how will it help them?
How do I need to craft my message to make sure it helps them and doesn't provoke a negative response?
Is this person ready to listen?
Should I contact them privately instead of replying in front of the entire community?

Read the entire article at Feverbee.com.

P.S. Do you "like" this discussion? Please click on the "like" button. This spreads the word on Facebook and publicizes this conversation. Click!

On the other hand, one must be careful of censorship. Differences of opinion are interesting and I, for one, have learned alot and had a laugh or two from one or more of the spirited debates on this site. In some cases, people read into posts - insults that are not really there. Some of us get super sensitive when we need to not take it personally. Remember when you are posting, we don't really know one another, other people's personalities or senses of humor. Plus you have no visual cues to help you read between the lines. Yes I believe each of us has to think before we click the "add reply" button but we also cannot get incensed because someone has a different viewpoint or perception than we do. Variety is what makes a horserace. Don't censor - let's all take everything said with a grain of salt & in the spirit it was intended - free discussion. IMO

Replies

Jacki Bilsborrow July 14, 2011 at 5:49pm

Thanks for the timely information Connie. People may write their comments in one kind of context but often we hear it in another context. Written words can drive many away. Hopefully, this will remind members to try to be careful to not make jabs that may give the wrong impression. On the whole, I think we have many great members who make many constructive contributions to this site.
- Jacki Bilsborrow > Jacki Bilsborrow July 15, 2011 at 11:49pm
  
  Very good idea Patricia. I like this. It's not offensive and helps to devery a problem.
  
  Jacki B
- Diane Wright > Jacki Bilsborrow July 15, 2011 at 11:41pm
  
  Patricia, I love the analogy. It made me laugh at the end of a very long and hot day. Thanks
- Connie Mettler > Jacki Bilsborrow July 15, 2011 at 4:53pm
  
  Big smile.
  
  Similar thoughts have been running through my mind. I spoke with someone last weekend who I thought had taken a hard hit on this site, his reply was, "that is not your problem and I can handle it."
  
  Oh, I see you changed your picture. You are so much prettier than that photo showed you to be!
- Linda A Shields > Jacki Bilsborrow July 15, 2011 at 12:11pm
  
  Dear Frances,
  
  What an excellent point!
  
  Jim, I have read few out right attacks but many blog posts that do as Frances points out: tries to beat the other person into agreement.
  
  And I am firmly behind the First Ammendment, Diane. That is really the purpose of blogs: freedom of speech.
  
  But when Hume wrote about civil liberties he postulated that in order for the masses to live together they had to give up some of their (uncivil) behaviour. That is where I believe manners enter the picture.
Connie Mettler July 14, 2011 at 5:18pm

My son was instrumental in getting Bill O'Reilly's website built. We have had many conversations about the controversies on that site. I'm thinking it must be pretty raucous, but exciting!
Diane Wright July 14, 2011 at 11:37am

On the other hand, one must be careful of censorship. Differences of opinion are interesting and I, for one, have learned alot and had a laugh or two from one or more of the spirited debates on this site. In some cases, people read into posts - insults that are not really there. Some of us get super sensitive when we need to not take it personally. Remember when you are posting, we don't really know one another, other people's personalities or senses of humor. Plus you have no visual cues to help you read between the lines. Yes I believe each of us has to think before we click the "add reply" button but we also cannot get incensed because someone has a different viewpoint or perception than we do. Variety is what makes a horserace. Don't censor - let's all take everything said with a grain of salt & in the spirit it was intended - free discussion. IMO
- Jim Parker > Diane Wright July 14, 2011 at 11:43am
  
  I agree, Diane. I'd rather make up my own mind as to whether I'm being insulted or not! ;-)
  
  I think there are a few instances where moderation is called for, but most times I'd just as soon see the posts. I can handle criticism just fine, but outright personal attacks are uncalled for.
Jim Parker July 14, 2011 at 10:58am

No one likes a troll. They drive some of the good ones away.
- Connie Mettler > Jim Parker July 14, 2011 at 11:22am
  
  That is why I posted the Feverbee article. What I think I am saying online may not be what you are hearing. We are all becoming better writers. Who knew this would happen when we had to write those dreaded essays in grade school?

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