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Question: If I produce a very huge and dramatic 40x50 black-and-white, partially torn portrait photograph of an astoundingly but unfortunately God-awful ugly old man of about 98 years old, and if I turn his eyes all red, and if there's a bit of drool spilling from his cracked lips, and if some rusty old barbed wire is wrapped around his neck and a bloody chicken bone is sticking from one ear, and if his stringy unkept hair has not been cut in 25 years and includes some visible live insects, and if he is missing one eyebrow, and if his face reflects pain, misery, hopelessness and psychological blackness not to mention a bunch of scars, and if he appears about to be ready to slur something shocking and mean, and if I smear key parts of this image with a bunch of suspicious mud, would, then, an art show judge automatically proclaim this to be the finest and boldest visual statement ever about the human condition and man's station in the universe and lavish me with a huge award?


Just askin'.  


(Wanna steal this idea to cop a best-of-show, award? Have at it, brothers and sisters!)

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sounds like you have a winner there buddy.  How was Mayfaire for you this year?

Only at Gasparilla.


Larry Berman

Definitely Gasparilla.
Does it come in different sizes?  Can I get it in bilious yellow, to match my shag carpet?  Do I get the award ribbon with it?  Framed or unframed?  I'll give you $20 for and don't even think of charging me tax for it!  Do you take a debit card? A third party check?  Is it a limited edition?  Will you deliver it?  What if my grandkids don't like it, do I get a full refund? Can I hang it in my patio, with just the afternoon sun hitting it year around?  Will it fade?  Can I bring it back after my party's over?
Sorry Nabe, been done. A show of TWENTY misfits, hung in reversed frames (yeah, backwards frames - very . uh . . what's the word. . . ) but ya gotta leave the edges of the polaroid negatives in the print. Picked up for the art museum collection, and the creative process video went viral on you-know-who tube.

Dang, and I was going to do those images with a Polaroid SaranWrap Emulsification Process, using a Clorox bleach fixative followed by a 2% milk shake dye bath.  Framing is tricky, because the process sticks to both glass and plexiglass and has a archival shelf life of about 4 minutes.  But, they always get me into shows!

Which shows? I don't wanna be your neighbor! Unless my only other choice is the buy-sell bangle vendor with twenty piercings on display, who juried in under an assumed name with promises to show images done with Polaroid Saranwrap Emulsification Process.....
I'm assuming my name is the right name, 'cause it says so right here on my name tag, "Hello, My Name Is."  Just call me Heck for short!
Oh. God! I can't quit laughing.
Steve:  Didn't know you knew my grandpa.  And he says to tell you he never signed a #%A*(@ model release!

Right. I'll stick to the long form.

Geoff, gotta be fair here, I sat in for one of those twenty. I'll never live it down. Offered him a lot for that model release back....

So that was your grandpa? Small world....last I saw he was chasing Michael down the street, yelling something about stealing his soul.


A little discouraged after seeing the Cherry Creek images that got in this year, Steve?


It's got to be film, nothing good ever comes out of digital cameras you know.  And no darn manipulation either, those bugs had to be there in real life.  And don't forget some darkroom chemical stains because you developed it in your bathtub.


And yes, Gasparilla, is the place to shoot for.  When I set up this year I couldn't believe the artist next to me got in the show, then I found out she was there because she won an award last year.


Several times I have sat in my booth on Sunday morning after the awards dinner and contemplated taking some of my beach shots, turning them black and white, printing them super large, throwing some sand on the mat and calling them mixed media.



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