I just got back but I'm not going to report on the Annual Ridgway Rendezvous again, it doesn't bear repeating, for that review look it up in Reviews! For those of you that are an interested audience and perhaps not artist/crafts people, or perhaps you are, what I want to comment on is the emotional toll of doing shows, which is quite different from the physical abuse! (Hope you’re knees are feeling better Scott). As much as I, and I'm sure others of you out there, prepare for lowered expectations, or simply just enjoying doing a show for the sake of doing it, (do we?) it eventually creeps up on me...the let down and disappointment associated with not meeting some sort of expectations (didn’t I just say I lower them?) that must be there unconsciously. The first day was easy despite low sales, I met and greeted, talked about my work with enthusiasm, shared freely. Felt good about just being there. On Sunday a different me showed up, I didn’t have as much enthusiasm, I even met a simple question with sarcasm later in the day (“Did you take all these?” “No, I hire people to do it for me” “Really?”) Sometimes I can even psych myself down and manage to pull it off quite well but other times its like an insidious little parasite that bores in through my skull after the fact poisoning my psyche only to squish out sideways in an emotional assault that I take out on myself later. That's the hardest part, taking it out on myself, not realizing that it is just a show. Poor performance can be explained by, it's an election cycle, the economy, or a myriad of other possible explanations; did I set the calculator the way I usually do? Did I write the date on the receipt too soon? Did I forget to ask my Spirit Guides for help? Dang, I forgot that one!
Such was the case after this weekends experience at Ridgway. It wasn't a great show last year, in fact it was a poor show, but I thought it worth doing if for no other reason than being in a beautiful part of Colorado and going to the Orvis Hot Springs several times while there. Apparently I was fooling myself into believing that lie. It could have been worse. The winner of this years Best of Show experienced that. She had beautiful mixed media pieces of woven fabric, ceramics and fused glass, probably a little too high priced for this crowd. And, although she probably received high praise for her work, don’t we all, she didn’t sell anything. This really isn’t a diatribe about sales, or the lack thereof. For me at least, it isn’t ALL about the sales but rather the satisfaction that comes from doing what I love and putting it out there, taking a risk on myself, yet I’m still my own worse critic.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not whining about it and I’m definitely NOT looking for consolation, just trying to gain some personal insight, appropriate cathartic release (before I kick the dog/cat/wife, no I wouldn't do that!) or even open up a discussion of how we manage to pick ourselves up time and again to do something we love even in the face of not realizing the "Do What You Love and The Money Will Follow" protocol. It’s nice to receive the praise for the work yet it seems no matter how many people genuinely compliment my work, I am my own worse enemy when all is said and done. My hypnotist tells me that I am a great person (at least subliminally) even the spirit guides tell me they love me (telepathically) but why don’t I love me? I was supposed to have kicked that one out of my subconscious a long time ago, and at times I have conquered the negative affirmation machine, or at least I thought I did, but the little devil just seems to come back around to plague me. Is it part of the angst we as artists are loathe to suffer or my own cross, light dome, display panels, etc. to bear? I know I’m blessed to be doing what I love, Do I love it? or maybe I am insane like Einstein said, "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." after all I spent over thirty years in a parallel universe doing what I had to do to get here full time!
Okay, I feel better, the catharsis kicked in or was it the Aleve? Maybe writing about my experience will help some other poor soul or newbie to realize that it isn’t you, your work, the clothes your wearing, what-ever, that it will all be okay, the sun will continue to shine and it WILL rain, somewhere, and in a week or two you can start all over again! I know I can, I know I have, after all, I choose to do this! What was that Einstein quote again?
Comments
You are doing lots of good work on yourself.
The problem: what you really want is money. Art may be second. Would you truly want to live Van Gogh's no-sales artist life?
The blend of art and commerce is so tricky, don't you think?
Maybe you can't forgive yourself for the necesssity of compromising your art for the sake of mammon.
Forgive yourself! Somebody's got to pay for those light domes!
And seek out better venues.
Oh dear Brian, sorry to hear that you got down in the doldrums on day 2. I must say that's a good reason to like single day shows even if they're a bit more work.
Great blog about the emotional toll this economy is taking on artists. Just spent two weekends in a row - one miserable, low sales, at a quality show, with low end sales being the standard. I was ready to call it quits. I've been doing show for over 35 years and have seen the ups and downs before, but this is a long hard crawl and the physical side is beginning to take its toll as well. Pennsylvania Guild show indoors at the Chase Center in Wilmington DE is a great venue, the PA Guild knows how to put on an event, advertise, and jury for quality. I don't have the numbers yet, paid gate, but I don't think the attendance was a good as last year based on my observation and I was very close to the same location as previous shows. I even questioned my choice of earrings - maybe they weren't my lucky sales ones. Somehow the compliments don't seem as sincere when they aren't followed up by an occasional sale. The big family of "Bebacks" seem to be dwindling as well.